An ode to Susan Duncan

Jul. 20th, 2017 03:29 pm
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[personal profile] marina
I'm finally caught up on this week's Orphan Black!

everything goes under a spoiler cut )

(no subject)

Jul. 19th, 2017 03:03 pm
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[personal profile] marina
I've been so busy, and so focused on spending my free-time-to-write on original projects, that I feel like I want to talk to people on Dreamwidth but don't really have anything to write a post about.

So let's start with the essentials, which is two friends who are currently in need of a bit of help.

[personal profile] kuwdora, who makes amazing vids, is taking vid commissions to help pay for a career development opportunity.

...and it seems the other friend has reached their financial goal for the thing they needed, which I saw halfway through writing this entry, so. Please consider helping out kuwdora!

*

I'm busy planning London things (when I'm not busy doing other things). I've bought contact lenses for the first time in my life (putting them in and out is AWFUL but having them in is pretty wonderful). I finished watching "The Handmaid's Tale" and the "Game of Thrones" premiere and feel weirdly similarly about both.

Sunday was picking up my contacts and hunting for a birthday gift for a friend and getting stuff from the pharmacy and overall I got home from work around 8:30pm. Monday was pilates at 5pm, followed by my roommate's friends coming over at 9pm for Game of Thrones. Tuesday was going to buy new walking shoes (mine have holes in them and I need something for London), and because I needed a specialized store I yet again came home at like 9pm.

Today is going to be swimming (because my pilates class was canceled), followed by an optometrist appointment.

Basically just really, really long days. I've mostly been spending my weekends doing fuck all because of it, lol.

Anyway, I'm looking for ideas for what to do in London. So far I have the staples (places I've been and can always happily spend time in):
- british museum
- V & A

Potentially interesting but also maybe kind of boring (I have a friend who'd LOVE both of these but for me they're kind of "oh ok" sort of options):
- tour of parliament
- tour of buckingham palace

plays (I have to pick one):
- Matilda in the west end
- Much Ado About Nothing at the globe
- Queen Anne at heymarket (I do love Romola Garai)

Other than that I have: walking around various parks. LOL.

There's definitely loads more to do in London, but I feel like I've done the more obvious touristy stuff (Sherlock Holmes house, the eye, transport museum (LOL I know this is less obviously touristy, but I liked it)) and the less obvious stuff I'm not familiar with?

(I've always wanted to do the loo tour, ever since meeting the owner/tourguide at a party, but it seems every time I'm in London the times don't work out ;_;)

Anyway, suggestions for stuff to do are very welcome!

Musings on mum

Jul. 15th, 2017 02:02 am
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[personal profile] busarewski
Here I am again, almost five months later. Mum died on February 19th, she took her last breath at the hospital, with me and my sister by her side. Life became so much emptier when she left us. She never did regain consciousness after those last words to me in the living-room on the 18th of February - "Det blir bättre" - "det blir bättre".. it's mum in a nutshell, but how can it get better? Time pass, and now it's not everyday that I start crying because I see or hear or find something that reminds me of her, it's not even every week, but then something happens, and the loss is there. The realization that I will never speak with mum again, that she won't answer, even if I will continue to talk to her.. 

I logged on to livejournal for the first time since mum died and went back and read old posts. So very few were tagged "mum" even if she was mentioned in many more. Dad's illness came and took over, he was, and is, always the one that got the most attention. But mum was always there, and she was our steady rock, the one that fixed everything, that made life bearable, that made the house beautiful, the one who got all my literary talk, who finished my sentences, and who had the best laugh ever. How on earth will we be able to celebrate Christmas this year? she was so ill last year, and she didn't really manage to do her usual stuff, but she was THERE, she sat in the sofa, and we got our hugs.. it was terrible to have Easter and Midsummer without her. Mum's and dad's wedding day passed and we could only be happy that they got to celebrate their 40th anniversary last year.All these special days that now will have to be remembered in another way..

In some ways it's been extra good that we still have dad to take care of.  We haven't been able to wallow in sadness, which at least I probably would have done otherwise. Dad misses mum a lot, but I think he was more prepared than we were, since mum apparently talked to him several years ago. In hindsight I can see that some of his anxiety over where mum were probably came from this. But sometimes I think he forgets that she's gone. And it feels terrible to have to tell him she isn't here. 

I haven't been able to write about mum's death until now, and it still feels inadequate and quite strange to make this post. But I think I need to try to write about it a bit more. Mum, and life after mum. The strange sensation I had in the weeks just after her death of someone touching my feet to wake me up in the middle of the night, and then waking up and hearing dad crying. Mum continues to look out for him, and her love is around inside us. Finding old postcards with her handwriting. Bickering with my sister over what to save and what to throw away. Not being able to make those decisions so instead putting quite a lot of mum's stuff in boxes in the attic instead. Crying tonight when we watched Father Brown and they sang Christmas carols, since I realized I'd never visit St Andrew's Anglican church with mum for their carol singing at Christmas again..

So many small things that just won't happen again. 

In mum's obituary we quoted one of her favourite poems by Emily Brontë, it's mum for me in so may ways:

No coward soul is mine
No trembler in the world´s storm-troubled sphere
I see Heaven´s glories shine
And Faith shines equal arming me from Fear

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